I have tried several times today to sit down and type up a blog but each time I have, there is something that needs to be done or kids who need me.
I may be selfish when I say this but I have yet had a Mother’s Day that was nice. Yes, I am blessed with 3 precious boys but they have worn me out today. My husband (soon to be ex-husband) got a card and flowers for me from the boys. I am very grateful for the pretty roses but if I didn’t speak up a few days ago, I wouldn’t have gotten them. My husband doesn’t care about me anymore and it’s depressing. He did cheat on me our whole 7 year marriage so I guess he never really cared in the first place. He told one woman that I was an investment to him. I am 10 years younger than my husband and apparently he thought that he could get with a young woman and things would be fine. Things were fine until I got pregnant with our first son…..unmarried. My grandpa is a retired Pastor but at the time he was still preaching. He and my grandma made sure my husband and I got married since I was pregnant. A few months after our wedding, I was about 7 month pregnant and I found the first email to a woman. My husband told this woman that if she was at the wedding that my husband would have walked out with her. I was so mad. I threatened to leave right then and there but I didn’t and couldn’t. I was getting ready to have a baby!! His baby! So a few years pass and I find yet another email and tons of Facebook messages to more women. My husband telling them that he loved them and these other women were sending him pictures of their breasts. I was looking at the dates of these messages and emails and it was while I was pregnant with our second son and way before then! So while I was being a good wife and submitting myself to him, he was being a jerk and telling other women that he loved them and receiving pictures of themselves to him. I once again threatened to leave but stayed. About a year or two went by and I found some more crap on my husband. This time he crossed the line and had physical contact but the stupid me stayed once again and we got ourselves into church. We were happy and I got a surprise one day….baby number 3 was on the way! I was shocked but God has great plans for us. So now, we have 3 boys and I’m leaving my husband because I once again caught him doing the same things he has always done. I finally figured out that he will never change and I can’t change him. He needs to Lord to change him and I thought that my husband was changed but I am wrong.
So this Mother’s Day hasn’t been very special. I did get to mop and sweep the floor….more than once. I did go on a walk with my oldest son. I got a shower!! Mom’s are grateful for showers. :) I did get to hit up happy hour at Sonic. We found out this past week that we have to move into a different house. Things happen and it’s time for us to move, again. We just moved into this house 7 months ago so I am not exactly happy to be moving again. I am also mad at some family members. My grandparents said that they couldn’t make it to my brother’s college graduation yesterday because it was too much (not money wise but energy wise) for them and they just wanted to stay home. They live in Illinois and my brother lives in Arkansas. My grandma knew about his graduation for a few weeks now. Come to find out, my grandparents went to my cousin’s house in Tennessee instead of going to see my brother graduate college. My grandparents went to all the other grand kids graduation and it would be fair for them to go to my brother’s My cousin posted pictures of her with my grandparents having a good ole time in Tennessee on Facebook last night. Just made my family and I mad. Might sound silly to you guys but it means so much to have them there.
I am just angry and bitter at my situation. I am mad that I have to move and will move yet again next year. I am mad at my husband for what he has done to me for our whole marriage. I am mad because my husband didn’t put much thought into today and I got one card….from my kids. Oh yeah, some pink and white flowers from Walmart. I see people posting on Facebook what they got and I get jealous. I’m wishing that I got that nice of a gift. Then I get mad because they are bragging. I wish people cared about me and actually show it. Wait, I wish I had a loving husband who cared for me. I am sorry if this seems like a downer post but this is how I feel today. I don’t feel loved or cared about. I feel I am just here to take care of three boys, clean the house, and be a slave. I went to the movie by myself yesterday to see Mom’s Night Out. That was a good, clean, and funny movie. That was the first time I have been to a movie in a very very long time. I can’t remember when I went!! Well, my hair is still wet from the shower and I’m getting cold. Maybe my next post will be better. God Bless!
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. Proverbs 21:19